[Webinar] The 8 Phases of Bully Management

Webinar Overview

Parents are always looking for ways to help prevent bullying in their kids lives. Your school can take advantage of the opportunity. With a well-planned bully management program, you can increase enrollments, engage more students and help put an end to bullying.

Join Master Tommy Lee of East Coast Martial Arts and the iconic Dave Young, Director of the US Fighting System. This will help you create an effective bully management program in your school to instill confidence, respect for others and control in your students' lives.

In this webinar you'll learn:

  • The 8 phases of bully management and how they effect the bully, the bullied, parents and even you.
  • About Dave Young's experience being bullied and how it helped him create an effective program because of it.
  • Different responses to bullying situations and what you can do.
  • How your school can create a program, take action and help put an end to bullying.


Dave Young
Dave Young, Founder and Director of the US Fighting Systems, has 30+ years of training experience. He has held previous titles, such as Corrections Officer, Police Officer, and a veteran United States Marine Corps. Dave is recognized as one of the national leading experts in personal safety crisis management.

Tommy Lee
Master Tommy Lee not only has a successful martial arts studio, he is a national speaker, trainer and spokesperson for the martial arts industry. Master Tommy Lee has been inducted into several martial arts all of fame organizations, and is well-known internationally for his consulting practice in helping martial arts schools all over the world become better at teaching their students and operating their studios.


Video Transcript

Tommy: Of US fighting systems for taking time out of his business of educators and interesting all educators on bullying management. I'd also like to congratulate all the instructors on the conference call today for taking the time to understand more about improving their current snap that they're teaching their children to be safe, while at the same time getting a tool to build their martial arts school through deposit problems like bully management. This is a hot topic across the nation and if used properly it'll get martial arts school an influx of new leads, new students and it'll help fill your bully programs and your child safety programs. Not to mention that but also it's going to help you establish a level of credibility within your community. When I first started, I used the knowledge that I had and some advice from other school owners and friends. There was a little bit of information in the industry that was available to it. What I did back then was I kind of pick and chose what I thought would work the best thing then I kind of just jump in. And I think a lot of schools do that now. Twenty years ago you didn't have the Internet and that information wasn't as available. Over the years I notice that what worked and didn't work for me and I modified it as I needed it. I also saw the times and the concerns change over the past 20 years. So now it's a bigger issue than ever and we also have the other thing, the other we've got to really think about is we also have a very smart consumer, because they're going through the Internet they're looking over a lot of information and they have much more educated questions on their mind to ask us and we've got to be able to answer those. Some of those questions that they ask about but we've got to be ready and we've got to know what we're doing.

It seems like many programs are built off other programs. We don't create it, we use other people's programs and we add to it. And we don't do our own research. Because I just went through it trying time two years ago, if some of you may know what I went through, but I've had a couple of things go on in the past two years that I found it necessary to validate the information that I received, and anything that I say is quoted of that statistics that was mentioned, I need to have reference and materials to back it up. What I found on many occasions is that the statistics didn't really originate from a credible source. People just said 2 out of 3, or 6 out of 10, without really checking the source where it came from. So what I decided to do was look for an expert that had reference material and field tested results.

In the past we kind of touched on parts of what bullying is, but we never really hit all eight areas adequately. With us today is Dave Young, whose credentials speak for themselves. He's here to help us understand what needs to be incorporated in a well-rounded, court room defensible program. Over the past two years I've learned many things and I needed to implement to have a more effective program, as well as had to protect myself so I don't lose what took me 21 years to build. So I'd like to introduce Dave Young, the man that will help us understand what we need to incorporate into our programs to be well-rounded and protected and as he says not just hopeful. Dave, are you online?

Dave: Yeah Tommy and thank you for having me, and thank you ChampionsWay for giving us the opportunity to talk to a lot of the school owners. A brief walk through my background real quick I think would help explain this topic a little bit better. I grew up in /, Florida. Back in '70s there were several different ways that a child got bullied. We had knives in the schools, guns in the schools and it probably didn't even get to hit the news if it happened on Monday until Friday. How these incidents happened at lunch time and there aren't the YouTube by 1 o'clock in the afternoon, all over Facebook by 2 o'clock. You know the media gets a bigger jump on this, puts different twist on it, as the information gets disseminated. I'm a former Corrections Officer, police officer, and better in the United States Marine Corps. I've had seven combat deploymentories over those times. I currently train about 3,500 police and military trainers as instructors throughout the year, as well as I certified about 100 different martial arts schools and a variety of the training programs that we've helped them put together over the years. I sit in-chair on several police advisor boards, national organizations, reference around personal safety and personal self-defense in them. By doing that I found out over the years that if you don't have a plan, you plan to fail. When you get involved in developing a program around bullying, there's several things that a school owner should have in place or at least know where to go to get this information because what comes out of our mouth into those students' ears get clicked in their heart and it's something they're going to act on. At some point you're going to be asked to justify this and explain it.

05:01

There's an old phrase we use, you have to be able to manage your perceptions, explain your allegations, or you'll be defending your investigations when it comes to court. That's one of the reasons why I think, Tommy, the first step to bullying management, and we call it bullying management because you never stop it. You'll never be able to stop bullying from happening. You got to learn how to manage it but first I think you're going to have to learn how to create awareness. How do you build the awareness at that school's level, at the elementary school, middle school and high school, how do you build awareness within your community. You know bullying isn't the big guy anymore picking on a little guy. The fact it's you can put any height and weight in stereotype to any victim, and you can put any height and weight in stereotype to any person that commits an act of bullying. But to fully have the ability to understand how it's received within the society and the concern of every individual is very important.

One of the questions I wanted to ask you, Tommy, what are some of the things you've done to increase that awareness? Not only within your community, from the material that we've shared, but also what do you do within your school to help people understand how to be aware of bullying and how it takes place.

Tommy: You know, Dave, a lot of what we do is a couple things. Number one - we go into the school systems, we do the talks to classrooms, we do the talks, we have an after school and a return program. We also are asked sometimes to speak in front of like an assembly. Within our schools we offer community workshops where people can come in for free and they can take a short 30-minute program and then we of course include a fun aspect of it and educational aspect of it, and also martial arts aspect of it. So they can tie together so they come back, become a regular student or just take one of the bully courses. But what we do inside our school is we just have short talk with the kids and we ask them questions, and a lot of information that you've given us is what we use to make the kids actually ask questions, look for things in school and come back and give us answers. It's kind of a game and it's kind of fun and it gives the kids awareness. The kids end up going back to the parents and talking to them and then the parents come to us as well. So that's kind of how we make that awareness out there.

Dave: You know, Tommy, one of the things that I think every martial arts school owner should have as a goal is to be the community safety resource. The community safety resource is not only where local law enforcement or public safety professional would go to get trained and educated, but also for the individual community at the school, the great school level /.

Some of the suggestions I'd like to suggest is that at every month, each martial arts school holds a bully awareness seminar. Because I travel around the country and I was just in a school in Seattle. They had about 75 kids there from 6 - 15 (years old). I asked them briefly what's their definition of bullying and had bullying happened to you, at what level has bullying happened to you. When the kids raised their hands and I asked them what is bullying to you, they don't even have the definition, they don't know how to explain it. Here we think from the real sad things like anything that breaks your heart or anything that hurts another person. Quite frankly there's more definitions given by the CDC, there's a National School Resource Officer Association that really provides a really good statistics and insights on how to better create the awareness of bullying, not only in your school but also branching out in the communities.

So if you're doing a bully awareness seminar for 45 minutes once a month at your school or different locations, you should be inviting every Parent-Teacher Association, every church group, every optimist football league and his sport youth organizational sports. Invite them to hear how they can help the community as a whole, create awareness within their school. After you create awareness within your own organization, within your school, within the community, you have to start identifying it and you have to have a definition.

The definition that we provide at schools is any repetitive behavior that is non-intrusive, whether it's repetitive or not, that makes a child feel intimated, fearful, scared, less than, but it doesn't have to be from that same person. It could be if you make a comment to me in the morning on the bus and I do something or don't do something, and then later on that afternoon somebody else makes that same comment, anything that is repetitive and non-intrusive which means it's not physically harming.

10:00

When I start hearing some of these stories and seeing somebody, I guess different programs come out and say 'When you're bullied, you do this' - well there's a difference between being bullied in school and being physically assaulted in the school. We have crimes for that. A lot of these schools watered down what happens to the child and gives it a bully tag without really identifying as the criminal behavior it is. All the school should understand the dynamics of wearing how bullying occurred. We tell kids all the time that bullying will occur where you have the least amount of adult supervision. How do you identify where that is? So in your school, Tommy, where are some of the areas in your martial arts school you have the least amount of adult supervision?

Tommy: It would be in the areas where they just going to getting dressed before they come on to the floor. That's where a lot of the fooling around goes, that's why we have leadership people there to monitor that.

Dave: You know even if you extend that out where you're at a /, you had tournaments, and you're doing fundraisers. Any place where you have the least amount of adult supervision, there's always going to be some type of interaction with kids and it could even be positive or negative, and identifying the different places within a school. One of the things that is always amazed me why would a school be proud to advertising have a bully-free zone when it should be every school effort to be a bully-free school. I think that is some of the things that the different martial arts school and the communities can actually do.

So if you're going to have a seminar once a month for awareness, there should be a couple of things you do at the end of every week, at the end of every session. The teacher asks kids based on their age group how to identify bullying, what are some of the things that they should report, and how they should go about reporting it. Does that make sense?

Tommy: Absolutely!

Dave: Okay, I'll ask the question. How would you identify bullying within your school without the child coming up and telling you that they're being bullied?

Tommy: Of course one thing you can see the reaction of the pupil's faces. For example when they're working out together, somebody's kind of withdrawn, their shoulders are down and they're kind of hesitate to try, and you can see the other person with little bit stronger emotions and things like that. One way to identify it is how the other person is reacting whether you can hear them or not. Visually or auditorily sometimes we can't hear what's going on across the floor because we got 50 - 60 kids on the floor. But we can visually the way somebody's fighting mechanics or moving in order to see if something, it might not be bullying but maybe they feel uncomfortable about something. So that's one area that you could tell if you don't verbally hear them.

Dave: Okay well when you look at identifying, I'll give everybody a couple of various situations or scenarios. One of the first types of bullying situations a kid gets into is when they ignore them. They'll enter an area, kids will leave. They'll talk in a social group and kids will just ignore their presence, not even acknowledge that they happen to be there. Teaching the kids what to do when those situations occur could be priceless. If it's something that's being done once a month or every week at a martial arts school to allow the kids to help identifying when kids ignore them and give them some sound feel-proofing strategies to defend against, it would be priceless.

Right after a kid gets ignored, then you'll get into where people are avoiding them. They're avoiding contact altogether. They're walking down the hallway, they turn around and walk the other way. You sit down in the cafeteria, they get up and they move. You walk into the library and sit down, the kids get up and leave. When you start doing those things, it's very hard for a child to understand what they should do, how they should act, especially if the / in the school is telling them is 'In a way you're bullied and they call you bad names, you say this, or when they push you, you do that.' There's been no contact at the ignoring, the avoiding stages of bullying.

And then it progresses if the child doesn't have anything to do with that. It goes from ignoring to avoiding to gesture bullying. Whether they take their thumb like they're hitchhiking, they rig it across their neck. Or they make a fist and they point it at the child. Or they take a hand and put it around their neck. Or they do things that make the child feels very uncomfortable. So a lot of these non-intrusive forms of bullying is something that every school owner should be teaching their kids, because they're going to run into to those things first before it gets into the actual verbal comment that people are going to make.

I've done some / studies and a lot of the different programs, the programs that other martial arts school are using. When you start looking at the responses they're giving, some of these responses can almost be viewed as being part of the instigation at the physical confrontation. Maybe the result of what they're having the child say or what they're having the child do when they're going through the verbal stages.

15:04

At some point verbal not really addressed, it kind of escalates to the physical bullying. There are many different levels of physical bullying. Everything from body crowding to putting your hands up not letting a person pass, to slightly pushing them when you're not trying to cause them any harm, just humiliation, toward it escalates to a more physical stuff. If every single week a school owner's taking 2 - 3 minutes in providing a small tip on not only how to increase the awareness of bullying, but also how to identify it as well, I think it'd be a very valuable part of establishing their level of credibility and separating themselves from not only the other martial arts school in their area but also the different types of programs that are out there. Because you know as well as I do a lot of people go to the MSU University to make stuff up. When you make stuff up, it just gets you in trouble when it actually gets challenged. Does that make sense?

Tommy: Absolutely.

Dave: Prevention is what everybody talks about. The first stage is prevention. After you've created awareness, after you've done your identifying strategies, it's how do you prevent it. Tommy, I've been to your school several times. What are some of the things you've done initially to help out with prevention of bullying? Not only in your school but also with the students and the community.

Tommy: One thing that we do in the school of course is like you had talked about the zones, the bully-free zone or bully-free school, is making sure that every area is monitored. If it's not monitored with an adult, that it's monitored with somebody that has a leadership type of authority within the school, so when people see that they're less likely to do something. That's one. I write for different community magazines to where I give them the prevention tips and things that you have given me. I include those in articles as well as going to the schools.

Dave: Every school owner should know the name of the school newspapers especially at middle school and high school level, because a lot of these schools are looking for very valid and sound tips, and especially about personal safety and bully strategies, where it can also give the school owner a really good position within that school to allow everybody to know who they are. As they should be providing some tips that are very credible, because if you give them a tip that's really not bad, that's going to do you more harm than just saying nothing at all. That they should be providing some things in the monthly or quarterly or weekly newsletter that goes out. The parent-teacher organizations are probably the better ones to partner with, because they help provide funding and raising for the different school.

An example I give is if I had a martial arts school I would go to the individual elementary school, middle school and high school. Ask to speak to their English department, find out who's running their journalist division, find out if they have the newsletter that goes out to the parents, does the PTA put it out, or does it go out by the school, or does it go out by the district. And find out how you can somehow contribute to the content on just the first stage of prevention with just visual. How can we create such a level of prevention that you can put signs of.

I just recently saw a sign that's said 'Bully-free School' and imprint their seats underneath the seats 'This is Not Zone' in the entire school. I think when you start with prevention it has to be done visually at first. You got to increase the places where the kids are going to gather the most - the hallways, the bathrooms, the locker rooms, the cafeteria, the bus stations. You can do that with a variety of ways and signs that create awareness that help you identify it are the first stages for prevention.

After you're doing those prevention things within the community, you should be doing every month or every quarter, all the parents together from the PTO's, the church groups, the other parents support group and activities in your area, and doing an awareness identifying and prevention type seminar for educating the parents on how to be the best spokesperson for their child.

If you look at the reason why kids don't report bullying, is they're too embarrassed, ashamed, they don't want to get their parents mad and upset. So one of the things I like to tell all the school owners 'You should be encouraging the every parent to do what we call the 3-minute debrief when the kids come home from school.' I think you've had some big success with this, Tommy, where the kids come home from school, the parent takes three minutes out of their day, and they look at their child and they say 'Hey, how was your day today?' and they're looking for eye contact, tone of voice, body posture, when they go ahead and they give their answers. They want to hear. They say 'Well the day was okay.' They still ask them 'Tell me what was so great about today?'

20:00

Or 'You know the day was just another day.' 'Well tell me just what made it okay.' You want to start answering questions to find out how their day went, because then sometimes they'll slip up and tell you what happened. If you ask them to tell you what happened then there's no place to go with it.

So their first brief is ask them if they're okay, ask them what they did today, what made it so good, what made it so bad, and then the parent should be looking at any writing on their sneakers, is there any derogatory, vulgar or obscenities written in their notebooks, on their lunch box. I'm not saying you have to search your kids down when they come home from school. The parents can do this very nice and lovely when they're cleaning up around the house. They should every now and then look and see what kind of prevention are they helping their child with identifying and increasing the awareness, that this is even happening to them.

By doing the 3-minute debrief when they come home from school, we've had parents call us and say 'I never knew my son was having a problem.' One of the questions we tell the parents to ask during this 3-minute debrief is what was the meanest thing that was said to you today, or what was the meanest thing you heard said to somebody else. Or the shocking question is what's the meanest thing you said to somebody today. Because you know we can't just be preventing the bullies from attacking other kids. We have to be educating these bullies on what they shouldn't be doing in the first place. I think you've got to address situations on both sides of the fence. What are some additional things you've been doing with prevention in addition to your seminars and your workshops? Tommy, are you there?

Tommy: I'm sorry, you were cut out for about 45 seconds. I miss like the last 45 seconds of what you said, I'm sorry.

Dave: That's alright. Would you go ahead and share with us what you've done in addition to those short little workshops and those videos, or those the newsletters that you write for? And what else you've done for bully prevention at your schools and in the area?

Tommy: In the area pretty much the papers that we write for, the little classroom things that we do, and we do the after school enrichment programs, where I actually go into all the PE classes and teach the things that you've taught me to the kids in the PE classes. What we do with that is we actually hit every single student in the school and we did this in elementary schools, we haven't graduated to the middle schools yet because we just have so many elementary schools to do. And then what we do is we do that, I have them for their PE classes. And then all those kids that are in these PE classes they choose to then do an enrichment program where they come back for six more visits. The parents pay for that and then we donate all that money back to the PTO so they can use the things for schools which gives us more access to hand things out in schools and go into the schools more often. I find the school system's one of the best ways to hit the whole community because all kids have to go to school.

Dave: Absolutely in fact they're doing assemblies at the school is one of the things I strongly encourage the school owners to do. Some of the reason why they don't is if they don't have the content, they don't have the connection, which is why we set up US Fighting Systems to provide a more credible resource that we work so close with the police, and being able to give them information that'll allow them to go into the schools to deliver the information to them.

One of the other prevention things they could be doing is that they should be inviting the science club, the math club, the history club, all the different clubs that are within the schools, fraternities, sororities, and doing special workshops and scenarios for them. Because each of those different age groups experience levels of bullying at different levels of intensity. If I was to ask you, I'll ask everyone a question generally: what do you think is the most violent and meanest group between elementary school, middle school and high school? Most people quickly they say high school. When the reality it's elementary school.

Elementary school these kids are repeating everything they hear from home, everything they see on TV. They're mean, kids say words they don't understand, and because they don't understand them when these kids hear them, they think more worse than what it should be. They're very deceitful in the playground, on the buses, but you're not going to be bullying a kid in the classroom. That's why the awareness, identifying and prevention strategies are real important.

I would encourage the school owners to create signs that allow them to donate these posters into the school. Every martial arts school should may be trying to sponsor the playground with these signs for increasing the awareness - how to identify, how to prevent bullying, what are some of the strategies you can be doing when you see bullying takes place.

24:57

You've got to look at three different ways to address it. You have the individual child, the student that's being bullied. The target is how we refer to them as a target. Then you have the bully itself, the person's actually doing the aggression. And then you got the bystander that allow it to watch it and take place.

So one of the prevent strategies is to create a bystander mobilization group that, I'm not going to say they're like hallways monitors, but being on the lookout for things that are going on around your area, increase not only your personal safety, but also can provide safety for others because bullies like to be silent, they like to be quiet, they like to not let anybody see what he or she is doing. The more people you can create awareness to stand up. We have a fundraiser we do with them called 'Be a Bully Stop. We're Not a Bully Watcher', and you can empower the school to take their school back.

So on prevention there's many different levels they can reach out from the newsletters that go out, seminars that are conducted on a regular basis. Some of the school owners need to get out of the schools and go into the churches, go into the youth groups, get involved in the / centers, get involved in the organized sports. Because giving them prevention strategies leaves you into our fourth area.

Our fourth area is the response options - what do you do when this happens. When this happens to you this is what we recommend you to do. I've seen everything from kicks, the punches, the flips, the throws, when there should have been no contact made by the target against the bully. You have to come up with what we call the Intervention Options. With intervention options, I'm sure a lot of people listening to this have heard of the phrase 'use the force'. Well we don't use the term use the force anymore in our professional circle. We call it intervention options.

So Tommy, you and I talked about this in great length before, is that the first stage in intervention options is exiting, avoidance, how do you not be there. What are some of the things you've done with your kids to teach them avoidance and exit strategies at your school?

Tommy: Basically what we took was the examples that you gave and how we incorporate them at school. It's kind of like a little game that kids like to play as well, is they have to number one we'll give them what's an exit strategy or what's an avoidance strategy, whether they're tapping their hands like they forgot something just to go back in school, those types of things. But what we do first is we give them a specific thing to do, so it's an exit strategy. Then we give them a specific [inaudible] which is an avoidance strategy. And that's you're avoiding that person when you don't make eye contact with that person, right. Then after they do that, then they have to choose did that person see them and they have to exit or do they have to avoid. Actually they might make sense to the other guys but that makes sense to you, doesn't it?

Dave: Yeah it does. What Tommy basically saying is if I'm looking out into a parking lot, I see a guy with a bat standing by my car. I look at my car but I don't acknowledge that I see him, I can do an exit strategy. But if I'm walking to my car and I see this guy with a bat near my car and he sees me, I'm going to have to do some avoidance strategy because I've already made my presence known.

These are two different types of strategy that allow you to start teaching non-escalation strategies first before you can start teaching disengagement strategy. A lot of schools start with disengagement, and if they can't disengage and they really have to go into engagement, or in true intervention options for /, you should try to avoid something and exit from its area so you're really proving that you do not want to be there from the initial start of the encounter. So teach them the exit strategies and avoidance strategies are very important, so non-escalation strategies are done by exiting the area. There's a medical exit strategy like you might be sick, you might be hurt, you have to go back into the room that you just came out of. I forgot something is another exit strategy.

Avoidance strategy might be calling somebody's name pass that person if there's other people in the area to let that person know that I see you there but I'm just not [inaudible] right now. When you start looking at exit strategies and avoidance strategies, these are all part of your non-escalation.

Then you have to get into your verbalization. With verbalization we talk about indicators. What are some of the indicators you need to be teaching your kids. Well you know distance and positioning relates to how someone feels their safety level around you. So kids should be taught how to manage distance and control positioning. That's part of non-escalation. When you get into verbalization - your tone of voice, what you say, how you're standing when you say it, how does the person receiving what it is that we're saying.

30:00

All these are basic working components with response strategies to being bullied. I've been amazed how I've had some school say well if we tell our students if they say 'Hey you look pretty big today, you look fat or your four eyes,' that they're telling the students to make fun of themselves, to make that other person feel good, and then go ahead and leave calling that a humor strategy when you should never disrespect yourself to make somebody else feel good. That there's others way of saying I'm sorry I didn't quite hear what you just said and making the person repeat a little louder which a majority of the time they don't because they just want you to hear it.

So coming up with sound strategies that keep your power, that don't humiliate you, that let the person know that I heard you but I'm not interested in conversation or 'you know you said that yesterday, just come up with a better one tomorrow,' but every kid should know their trigger, their anger guard, what gets them upset. And again these are all components of non-escalation strategies.

After you go to non-escalation strategy and you can't avoid it, you can't redirect, you can't avoid it with your words, you're going to have to into the escalation. What are some of the things I say when people are saying things that are going to hurt me or harm me, is going to be different when they make fun of me. So you can't have a blanket response for every time a kid says this, you say this all the time.

So every week each of the school should be given exit strategy and avoidance strategy, or some non-escalation strategies that they can use to avoid something, to escape from it. What are some of the verbal cues that you could be giving?

Well if you don't teach them non-escalation and the escalation, then of course all verbal confrontation escalates to a physical altercation. That is written on every police report in the country no matter what country you live in, that all verbal escalation escalates to a physical confrontation. That's when we start teaching the physical defense strategy - when you're pushed, when you're shoved, when you're poked, when you're grabbed, when somebody tries to pull your hair, when someone tries to grab your backpack.

That's why we develop that bully books and backpack program that the school owners can teach right before school and how to identify backpacks, give them stats from the Uniform Crime Report, the National Law Enforcement Association /, a School Resource Officer Association. We're giving them program they can deliver before school starts to engage them, give them things they can use during the school year like we have those Halloween safety tips. Every school should be doing a Halloween safety one or two weeks before Halloween on how to avoid your costume, where to walk, what to say, what to look for.

All these things again focusing on the martial arts school to be exactly that - the school safety resource, the community safety resource for that school. Once you get into the physical strategies, a lot of the schools do a great job but wanted to escalate it to that - what to do with a push, a shovel, poke, a punch, when they're being spit on. But what they fail to cover is how do you report it, how do you act when this is happening, how do you save face. Ignoring it is never a positive strategy. If you're telling your kids to ignore it, then you encourage other people to think that's okay to do to that child.

There's a lot of incredible programs that have really good statistical data to back up all the things that have been applied in that school, that have worked and that have failed. If you're teaching the same program last year that you taught this year, you're probably outdated. So on response strategies there's non-escalation, there's the escalation, there's protective options - how to protect yourself, and then you're going to have to talk about escalation.

You know, Tommy, there's a different height between you and I. If I reach over and grab that backpack from you and cross those straps, I could choke you. Kids need to be learning when can I use force. A martial arts school owner tell a kid 'Do not use force ever.' I've seen a lot of kids get beat up and come in to school with black eyes, busted teeth and broken shoulders because they literally did nothing when they were being assaulted.

I think that when you start having those statements, they need a qualifying with there are certain situations that you can defend yourself - when you're unable to leave, when you're denied the ability to breathe, when you're denied the ability to physically protect yourself. We use force when we're the one who fail. So all of these stuff is on response options. From some of the programs we've seen response options is talked about the most and they try to use in the prevention strategies, it's really lower down on the totem pole. What are some of the other response options you're teaching your students, Tommy?

34:57

Tommy: I can't think of anything right now to be honest with you. You've covered a lot of things that we already do to be honest.

Dave: It's alright, no worries, sometimes I get carried away on this thing. We also talk about monitoring. Monitoring is real important. if the schools aren't familiar with PBIS - that is a program a lot of schools here in the country have nationally went to, PBIS. If they talk to some teachers they're going to realize that they really fail at this particular area in teaching the teachers how to monitor situations, when a child reports bullying and it goes to them. Like you have a big school, you've got a lot of kids coming in and out, what are some of the monitoring procedures you do at your school, Tommy?

Tommy: For the schools that I go to or my particular martial arts school?

Dave: Talk about both, your school first and other schools second.

Tommy: For my particular martial arts school we do, one school has a front entrance and a back entrance. So we've got to make sure where most of the fooling around happens is when you're not by the front desk, when you're in the back. What we do is we have a leadership person standing there during class. Before and after class when kids are actually coming in and coming out, we actually have an assistant instructor or an instructor stand back there not just for the bullying but also so kids don't leave when they're not supposed to leave when they're younger. That's what we have in the back.

In the front of course we have the front desk and then we also put leadership person in the front. We don't do much in the bleacher section other than have those two monitors looking down the hallway to make sure that there's nothing going on.

Dave: Okay. Monitoring is not only with the cameras. If you're going to have cameras in your school, you definitely have to answer one of three questions first - are we just going to use the cameras to record things? It can also record good things and bad things as well. Then if you're not going to use them to record, then are you going to monitor those recordings? You're going to review them, are you going to be having someone seat at the screen the whole time the school is open and watching them, that's monitoring them which is not going to be possible. But you're going to have someone go back at the end of every night or every Friday or every Wednesday and review all the video real quick. It takes you about an hour to review five days' worth of video. You're not only watching what's happening between the interaction of kids. You should also be looking at how kids separate themselves and kids that are sitting by themselves. Kids will try to stay away from groups that are being bullied, whether they're coming from a bullying environment at home or they're entering into bullying environment in your school.

So how we monitor them is not only with the cameras but also with staff. Teaching the staff what to look for, how do you monitor the kids when they come in, what are their interactions with each other, is he normally upbeat and friendly or is he always quiet and shy. Because now you just can't stop the little boy from running all over the place and not listening to instructions. So monitoring is not only going to be with the cameras. It's going to be with your staff and you should document some of this stuff. If you start seeing an incident that possibly took place, we encourage the school owners to have those floor logs. You should be writing down some of these incidents or passes on information to the next person, next staff member coming on to your school. 'Hey yesterday at 3 o'clock John came in and sit over here by himself. When everyone got to stretch out on the floor, John didn't come on the floor until the instructor got there. He's done this repetitively, where before John was the first one on the floor.' Being able to monitor your situation can tell you that either an event occur dealing with bullying, or bullying is about to take place and he's trying to avoid it. So there are some monitoring strategies a school can do to help them better position themselves with bully strategies or bully management.

The biggest thing that PBIS fails to do is to follow through. They write a report and there's a follow through process I'll share with everyone real quick 24 hours after a reported event of bullying to one of your students or somebody else. Within 24 hours there should be some verbal contact with you and their parents. Asking them how he's doing, is he emotionally safe, was there any additional information the parents found out that they can maybe share with you that will help you manage the child a little better when they come back to the class. So within 24 hours there should be a follow up phone call.

Within 72 hours or at least three days, there should be a documentation of the incident that actually took place. That should've been proper time for you to sit down with the target and with these bullies with their parents, and talk to them first individually, and then get them together. You see within five days or 96 hours there should be some closure.

40:03

You found out what happened. You'll never find out within the first 24 hours, you'll find out their perception of what happened. Usually within two or three days you'll find out exactly what happened. And then you and the parents can thus sit down to decide what's the best strategy to follow through. Does the child need additional education, is there some one-on-one training you can provide them, is there some bully coaching you can offer them, is there some additional training that maybe your leadership team can provide. Maybe it's just a sense of they need to be exposed to different types of environments. Because let's face it, besides the physical hardship of bullying, there's also the emotional side. The emotional side lasts a lot longer and impacts the child a lot longer than the physical stuff. You can slap me on Monday, I forget about it five minutes later, but you make me feel bad and embarrass me in front of 20 people, I can have that / the whole year. So what were some of the follow through things you're doing at your school?

Tommy: Exactly what you said. Actually what I always do is I'll the person who gets bullied, I'll interview them first. It won't be a long interview but I just try to find out what happened because a lot of times they're kind of shy. The second person is I go interview the instructor that was on the floor to see if he saw anything and/or any students that were present. We have two kind of forms: incident reports and we have injury reports. This should be an incident report. And then I would interview the person who did the bullying. A lot of times I have to be very careful because I can accuse the kid of bullying because maybe he didn't, right. So you have to be very diplomatic on how you go about it.

So what I'll do is I interview the child that got bullied, I interview the kid that supposedly did the bullying, I'll interview the instructor who's on the floor, and then I'm going to find out who else saw it, as everybody wears different glasses. Once I have all that information then I try to make a decision on what I think happened. From that point I'll meet with the parents and talk about that.

In a lot of incidents what kind of happens is the one parent already knew things were going on because it started in the school, for an example. And it just floats into coming into the school. We don't have many of those incidents thank goodness, but we do have a lot of incidences where people just misunderstand others and they get their feelings hurt, you know it's not by purpose and then the child will go home and say something to the parents. And then the parents will think somebody did something on purpose or an instructor didn't do their job. That's where a lot of the interview process comes in as well. Even in injury we handle everything the same way. I interview who it happen to, who caused it, and then who are the people that are around it so I can get the right story.

Dave: Yeah that's great. I mean going on a fact-finding mission is pretty intense as it is. If I can just recap that real quick: first thing we try to ask the child is if they're okay, their emotional well-being. And then tell me what happen. Normally when they tell me what happen, I have them write it down first. Then I go over with them out loud in case they want to change anything because they're going to be writing and telling you about how they feel first before what actually happened. So this allows you to separate what they feel, how they feel, with what actually happened.

Then we ask them who was there. If I can confirm with who was there what they tell me happened, I know I'm closer to the truth than I was before. Then I always going to ask a person or a child 'What did you hear them say to you?' Because 'what did you hear them say' may not necessarily be what the other person said. They say that most conflicts start out with a great level of miscommunication, wrongful understanding. In some situations it can be rectified right there and in others it allows you to build the history or the pattern.

Then 'how long has this been going on' is a really good question because you might be coming into the end of this three-month ordeal or the two-hours start it just started on the bus stop. Then I always kind of ask a child, it's a suggestive question. I always ask the child this question with their parents there. I always ask the parents what they feel after I ask the child each individual question. I'm going to ask them 'What would you suggest we do about this situation?' It just really allows me to get a good gauge on not only their well-being but if they're being vindictive that this been going on for a whole lot longer than maybe what they will let their parents know. So if you really truly on go on a fact-finding mission first, you should gather all the information, confirm the information, verify the information, and then go ahead and decide having all the facts there what's the best thing in how to follow through with it, with that scenario.

45:00

One of the last couple of things is support. What support should a school have to develop, establish and implement various support mechanism? Not only at home but with the parents in the school and the institution. What we mean by that is what kind of work groups are you going to put together. When one child gets bullied, is it just the child that's affected? Does it affect two or three other kids that are their friends? Are their friends as well getting bullied? If you're doing a really good awareness and identifying and prevention strategies in the very beginning during the year, you'll have [inaudible] we put a support group together of kids who had been picked on. Then maybe put a support group together for parents who have had to go talk to the kids' schools and they need some support.

One of the best phrases a school owner should teach the parent when their child is being bullied or when they're going to represent their child is 'Can you provide an emotionally safe, physically non-threatening environment for my child?' So if I was going to the school when my son is being bullied, I talk to the school owner and he confirmed the behavior's been kind of rough and he's confided in the school owner that he has been bullied in school, or you get a note or he comes to your child pulls you aside and says something. When you go to the school, they're going to expect you to stick up and attack the school to defend your child, when the main question to ask is 'Can you provide an emotionally safe, physically non-threatening environment for my child?' If you can, that's what the parents should be looking for is how can we provide an emotionally safe, physically non-threatening environment to their child. That what you should make the school defense, they make better decisions that way.

Make sure you document all the information your child telsl you when they come home and they tell you they're being bullied, put together a nice little timeline on when did it first get reported to teacher, what did your child hear the teacher say. And if your child does come home and tell you they've been bullied, one of the first questions out of the parents' mouth is, after 'Are you okay?', is 'Did you report this to the teacher? How many times has this happened? It's the first time I'm hearing about this.' And get some input on maybe your child was telling it to the teacher but the teacher just suppressed it. Or maybe the teacher ignored it and your child felt so bad about telling you because you know they love us and we work hard, they don't want to bring shame upon us. It's crazy how kids will take a lot of hardship on themselves and not tell the people who love them the most and had to help them. Does that make sense?

Tommy: Yes.

Dave: Go ahead, Tommy.

Tommy: I was going to ask you but I want you to finish with your eight points before I ask you any other questions.

Dave: Okay. The last one is continuous education. What are some of the long term program you're conducting at your school? We talked about monthly webinars, we talked about weekly activities with your kids. Are you doing any long term program? How do I get my curriculum into the school itself? How can I be selected as a martial arts school owner to be able to teach 2 out of the 20 teacher work days on how they can identify bullying in the classroom? Where do I get curriculum to do that?

Each school should be developing their curriculum to allow them to go into teacher work days and provide those program, but also every month your Parent-Teacher Organizations have meeting. Try to get invited to a couple of those meetings and provide some information on how to keep your child emotionally safe and physically non-threatened in the environment they have in school and develop that connection with the PTO.

The school owners need to go to conferences. They need to attend webinars like they're doing right now, they need to hear other people's opinions, gather all the facts, put down the information that feels makes the most sense for them that they can present. They need to go back and do those seminars, not only for the parents but they really need to invest in their instructors and their staff.

Since I've been going around the country the last couple of years, I ask the school owners if I can see their employee folder on their instructors. All you see is an application, a couple of copies of checks for direct deposit, and you don't see anything in there - their black belts certificate, the classes they took to teach kids, their bully seminars they went to, their child development programs. They need to really develop continuous education for their staff. So every month you should be training your staff as a school owner or let / outside resources and gather these information. You should be putting short videos together for the parents to have, especially at the white belt level.

50:02

There's something that happened to their child that makes them want to provide some protection for their child. It's either being picked on at school, they think they'll be picked on, or they want to get their own self-discipline set up within themselves and to learn respect. That's probably the best time to roll out some of the identifying and the awareness part of the strategies in the white belt.

Then when they're getting a black belt program, you have them for a couple of years. There should be stuff where you could cover everything from the prevention all the way to the continuous education and train your black belts when they graduate to be able to give some of these seminars and conferences. I would encourage them to write articles, take teleconferences with other school owners.

A lot of school owners want to keep be a king in their own kingdom. They don't want to share this information with anybody else. I think one of your biggest strength as a martial arts community is the fact that you guys care. I never met a martial arts school owner that doesn't care passionately about the safety of their children. They just maybe not have had the best guidance and direction on how to gather that information. So continuous education is a really important fact to that.

Tommy: Dave, I know we're running out of time. I wanted the schools owners, Dave's very well spoken and very well educated. He has so many great things to say, great things and ideas. A lot of the things that over the past years I've been very successful in, Dave's come in to my school and he's given me things I haven't even thought of. But one thing that I want to make sure that everybody understands is everybody that offers a bully program says they're the best. You might have that in marketing, so you're competing with a lot of places out there. What sets you apart to be unique and to be selected be a school system like we are or selected by somebody for you to write for, is your uniqueness. What separates what you say you can do with what you can do, because everybody always says they're the best. Everybody always has great marketing materials.

I think it boils down to the people that you associate with. I know one thing that has helped me is by being involved with Dave Young with his background as a police officer, going into court testified for a police officers, and having not only the credible sources but the field proven types of things with all people that he's worked with, is that that what helps separate me to be able to write for some articles and magazines where I may not have been to. So you should associate yourself, not only have a great program, not only test whatever you're using now with what Dave gave you today, The Eight Phases of Bullying Management. If those eight phases you have in your current program and you're doing well, then you just need to associate yourself with someone as well to be able to have that uniqueness.

If you're missing one of those eight things, then you need to start incorporating it into your program. Because I tell you, I thought I had a pretty good program and I probably had 25% of what we needed to have. So we're building our things that we're doing in our classes right now as well. Until it becomes a routine, it's a little bit of work. But it's definitely been worth it for me.

Whitney, did you want to open up for just a couple of questions? I know we're running out time but I did want to allow for a few questions.

Whitney: Of course, yes. First thing you guys, thank you so much for that presentation, that was fantastic. You guys are clearly experts in your field. Please type any questions that you do have into the questions box. I will ask them and Tommy and Dave are going to answer them. While we wait I want to really quickly talk about an exciting release for ChampionsWay Mr. Marketer clients. Just to inform those of you who are not Mr. Marketer clients - Mr. Marketer's an all-in one solution to your marketing efforts. It helps take your school up to a new height. It's essentially a marketing tool kit with ready-made landing pages, e-books and email templates that are released seasonally, so your school is always ahead of the game. The bit.ly link to Mr. Marketer landing pages because it's going to give you non-Mr. Marketer client an idea of what Mr. Marketer is, so just check this link out for non-Mr. Marketer clients. We are recording this webinar and it will be sent out tomorrow. Along with this recording, we are going to send the Mr. Marketer release instructions. There's two parts to this release. First it's October is National Bully Prevention month and we're releasing a Mr. Marketer update to prmote bully prevention seminars. So this is kind of relates to the awareness stage that Dave and Tommy were talking about in getting students aware and in the know about bullying and what bullying is. So we provide bully prevention seminar landing page.

55:01

Two bully prevention seminar email templates to drive leads.
One bully prevention seminar email template to announce seminar dates, time and locations.
Facebook bully prevention banner to drive leads to the landing page.
Facebook social post to drive leads to the landing page.
And you're also going to get a printable and customizable bully prevention seminar postcards so you can customize it to your school.

So the second part to your promotion with this release is Halloween. Of course you know October is Halloween so you want to promote new member enrollment through Halloween. You're get a Halloween party email template. A trick-or-treat ready to use, new member contest in program, which includes how to launch and execute the contest. It also includes three email templates to promote the contest among members which is on the slide here. And then includes printable and customizable trick-or-treat postcard to hand out to trick-or-treaters. Again the release instruction will be sent out tomorrow along with the recording and it will also be mentioned in other channels of communication. Non-Mr. Marketer clients please take advantage of that landing pages I just sent you guys, learn a little bit more about Mr. Marketer so we can get you involved. Without further ado I'm going to start asking a couple of questions.